Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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