walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
