he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
