Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
