My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
