This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
