Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
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