im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
