and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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