office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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