now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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