Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I cut my penus on the lid.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize