So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
3pm strippers are depressing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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