you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
