u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
