And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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