Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
