I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
