I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
