Cold hands, warm shart.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
