You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
