On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
