You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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