I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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