Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
