the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
