i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
