It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
