she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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