My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
