For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize