You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
