What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The uberlube is also flammable
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
