Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he shaved USA in his pubs
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
