the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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