I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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