anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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