its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
