you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
