Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
