I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
