4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
