funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
