I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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