I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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