mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
