I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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