so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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