hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
