Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
