im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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