And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
home. puking in laundry basket.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
