Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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