Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
