PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
