I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
