I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
