I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
