I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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