No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
