This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
