My room smells like vodka and shame
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
