She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
