I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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