so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
