You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
